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Fukuchiyama Line Disaster



> On April 18, 2005, a seven-car express train leaving Takarazuka Station for Toshishamae Station suddenly derailed on a curved section near the confluence of Amagasaki Station and collided with an apartment in front of it, killing 107 people and injuring 562 people, It caused a total of 669 casualties and was recorded as one of the three major Japanese railway disasters, I will explain why this accident happened and the background of this accident, The accident occurred at 9:18 a.m. during rush hour, when the train derailed at a speed of 116 km/h and collided with a nearby apartment. The impact pushed car No. 1 into the building, and cars No. 2, 3, 4, and 5 derailed one after another https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Amagasaki_derailment

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Correction:  Student's sentence   Corrected sentence        Grammar explanation       Better sentence   


On April 18, 2005, a seven-car express train leaving Takarazuka Station for Toshishamae Station suddenly derailed on a curved section near the confluence of Amagasaki Station and collided with an apartment in front of it, killing 107 people and injuring 562 people,
On April 18, 2005, a seven-car express train leaving Takarazuka Station for Toshishamae Station suddenly derailed on a curved section near the confluence of Amagasaki Station and collided with an apartment in front of it, killing 107 people and injuring 562 people.
You need to end every sentence in a period after one whole idea

It caused a total of 669 casualties and was recorded as one of the three major Japanese railway disasters, 
It caused a total of 669 casualties and was recorded as one of the three major Japanese railway disasters.
You need to end every sentence in a period after one whole idea

I will explain why this accident happened and the background of this accident,
I will explain why this accident happened and the background of this accident,
You need to end every sentence in a period after one whole idea

he accident occurred at 9:18 a.m. during rush hour, when the train derailed at a speed of 116 km/h and collided with a nearby apartment.
The accident occurred at 9:18 a.m. during rush hour when the train derailed at a speed of 116 km/h and collided with a nearby apartment.
Remove comma (,) between hour and when. "When" is used as a conjunction in this sentence. 

The impact pushed car No. 1 into the building, and cars No. 2, 3, 4, and 5 derailed one after another https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Amagasaki_derailment
The impact pushed car No. 1 into the building, and cars No. 2, 3, 4, and 5 derailed one after another. 
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Amagasaki_derailment
You need to end every sentence in a period after one whole idea


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